Messed up
by Doveie
Summary: Alex messed up big time. John left then came back. Maria has a fat crush on Alex. Everything and everyone is messed up after the incident. (Lams, a lot of other ships too) I don't know what kind of AU this is! It was suppose to be a one-shot, but then I decided no, I want a chapters for this!
1. Chapter 1: Alex's POV

**Okay,Okay. I know it's already past Thanksgiving, It's just it's really long and I started it a day before Thanksgiving but never got to finish it...I just decided to post this today maybe make it more than one chapter for each POV? I don't know...**

 **WARNING:**

 **-Blood**

 **-Suicidal Thoughts**

 **-Depression**

 **-Inappropriate language**

 **-A LOT of Drama**

 **-Anxiety**

 **-Panic Attacks**

 **Read at your own risk**

* * *

 _ **(Alex's POV)**_

 _Dear Diary,_

 _It's been about 2 years since me and John started dating, but everything's been going downhill for some reason. First off, John's been ignoring and avoiding me for these past 3 days. Secondly, Jefferson's been acting nicer, like strange nicer. Thirdly, Eliza, Peggy, and Angelica are now always by me and are getting me busy with stuff. It's really weird. Even Washington's acting weird. I believe it's because Thanksgiving is coming up, but nothing seems like its about Thanksgiving. John even went to the verge of leaving our apartment and going to live with Lafayette and Hercules. I've decided to ignore and avoid him, while focusing on work more. Thank god Aaron isn't acting weird. He's the only one who is actually listening and getting coffee with me without telling me to get it to go when John arrives. That's probably the only reason I've been avoiding everyone except Aaron, Theodosia, Madison, and Maria. I really want to-_

"Mon Amie!" Laf yelled from the living room

 _-never mind, Laf's calling me..._

 _-Alexander Hamilton_

"Coming!" I yelled back

I left the room, closing my notebook. I got to the living room I saw John,Lafayette, Hercules, and the sisters. When I sat down, I saw John looking at me, he flushed a dark crimson red and looked back at Lafayette when I looked him straight in the eye.

"Nice to see you too, _Laurens_." I said mockingly, I haven't used any nicknames for John since he went to live with Laf and Herc, so I've decided to call him by his last name like I did when we _used_ to work with each other till' he quit, saying that, and I quote, "didn't enjoy working there anymore."

"Jeez Alex," Peggy said "really showing that you care for him, aren't ya?"

"He's the one who left." I say rudely rolling my eyes, John shot his eyes to the floor clearly hurt, _He deserves THAT feeling, he didn't even bother asking me how I felt about that_

"Okay Okay, that's enough guys." Hercules said stepping between me and Peggy before we started tearing each other apart

"I believe, our ami, has something to say to you Alex." Lafayette said looking at John and nodding, _Jesus christ, what is going on?_

"I-er- um," John started looking at me, _god those hazel eyes, no Alex stop you're suppose to mad at him_ , I mentally yelled at myself " _Lexi_ -"

And that's what got me, he used the nickname he gave me 2 years ago when we started dating. I was so mad at him for saying _my_ nickname, that I stood up walked over to him...and...and I fucking slapped him before he finished his sentence. I _fucked_ up again.

"Using _nicknames_ now?" I snapped at him, he was about to start crying

"Alex!" Angelica said yelling at me while getting up and walking over to John " _shh_ , I'm here John, it's alright I'm here..."

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you Alex!" Peggy said storming over to me and slapping me back, _I deserve that I guess..._

"Peggy!" Eliza yelled

"What!?," Peggy said glaring at her sister "he fucking slapped John! He deserves to be slapped back!"

"Peggy, he probably didn't mean it." Eliza said stepping in front of me to defend me

"It's alright Eliza," I mumbled "i do deserve it..."

"Alex, you didn't deserve it," Eliza started "you're just frustrated, stressed, and sad.."

"I'm not fucking stressed Eliza!" I said pushing her into Peggy

 _Silence_ , _stares_ , _I fucked up again..._ I ran out of the apartment room and outside. It was raining, and I didn't have a coat on. _Perfect, you fucked up again Alex, you should just make them happy..._ I walked to the park where there was a bridge crossing over a deep valley with a rushing river. _Perfect spot, perfect timing, perfect weather..._ I looked up at the sky, imaging my mothers soothing voice, smiling I started counting numbers in French like how my mother used to do.

"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq," I started walking to sit under a tree, closing my eyes, imaging my mother holding me "six, sept, huit-"

I got cut off by someone yelling my name _dammit, I should've just jumped...it could've made them happy, I could've seen my mom again, my brother, cousin, grandparents, I could've been happy, but I fu-_

"Alex!," a voice said cutting my train of thought "Alex! Where are you!?"

"Alex! I'm sorry," another voice started "i shouldn't have slapped you!"

I was guessing by their feminine voices that it was Eliza and Peggy, since Angelica was still probably with Jackie... _Jackie...no his name is John, the boy who's been avoiding and ignoring you, the one who YOU slapped...I...I...I..._ I got up and walked towards the bridge, I knew people were running towards me and were yelling my name and telling me to stop, I didn't. I climbed the railing looked down at the valley underneath, and jumped. Everything blurred out, everything went blank, all I could I hear was the wind rushing past me while I was falling. All I saw was black...all I heard was...black...Then I saw my mom

 _"Hello, Alexander." She said_

 _I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.. I started freaking out. That's when she walked over to me_

 _"It's alright, hun," she said touching my crying face "someone else needs you more than me.."_

 _She started walking away. No! Mom! Please don't leave me alone! I need you! I wanted to scream and yell, but nothing came out ...don't leave me...not like John...please I need you... I just sat there on the floor reaching out for her, crying, while she walked away_

Light came back

Someone started shaking me awake

"A...x! A...ex!" Someone was yelling, _where was I? Why am I in a hospital? Why can't I hear?_

I heard muffled words but I couldn't see, it was still blurry but getting better

 _God, Alex, you're such a wimp...You should've jumped, wait a minute...you did jump? Why are you still alive...you need to be dead Alex._

"A...x," someone started "c...y...h...ar...me?"

I looked up in confusion. It was Maria who was asking me that.

"Al.x! Alex," Maria said tears flowing through her eyes "can you hear me?"

I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out except a little squeak. So I nodded yes.

"Good,Good," Maria said checking my heart rate "do you remember your name?"

"A-Alexander Ha-Hamilton..." I said remembering it from the top of my head

"Great!" Maria said happily

About 2 hours passed before I could actually talk without stuttering, and see fully.

"M-Maria?" I squeaked out

"Thank God you're alive!" Maria said hugging me

"What happened?" I asked hoarsely

"Well you jumped from a fucking bridge is what happened!" Peggy said walking in. Eliza, Angelica, Lafayette, Hercules, Aaron, Theodosia, Jefferson, Madison, and _John_ coming in after her

"Brought the whole squad, huh?" Maria said laughing to herself

"I guess!" Pegs said

"Er-guys.." Maria started and looked at John

"Oh!" Theo said, understandingly

"Well, Alex I need to talk to you," Angie said seriously "alone."

"O-Okay, Angie.." I said looking at her, everyone left the room so it was just me and Angelica

"Why did you jump?" Angie asked

"I-I don't know..." I replied, I actually don't even remember why I even jumped

"We thought you were dead," Angie muttered to herself "especially John..."

"What about John?" I asked nervously

"..."

"Angie? What happened when I was out.."

"I-John he-um," Angie started "he thought you jumped because of him..."

"I did."

"What?"

"You heard me, I jumped because of him."

"Why?" Angie asked confused

"You want to know why!" I started yelling "he fucking left me and thought it would be fine to come back without and explanation on why he left me in the first place!"

"I had a good reason _Lexi_ ," John said coming in "you just never wanted to ask.."

"Oh great!," I said rolling my eyes "so, _Jackie_ , you think it's fine to get up and walk out of _my_ life without explaining why?"

"Lex, I-"

"No," I said cutting him off "you don't get a reason to explain why you left m-"

"I was going to propose to you!" John yelled at me, tears forming in his hazel eyes

"What?" I said, shocked

"You heard me.." John said tears flowing over his freckled face

"No..." I said "no, no, no!"

Memories flooded my mind, some of me and John, but a lot of them about my family, how my dad left me, and the hurricane that destroyed my home...my only home where I was welcomed and safe.

"Non...Non..." I started hugging myself and kept repeating "ils sont morts...Je ne pouvais pas les sauver...tout le monde que j'aimais et a pris soin de...est mort..."

"Laf!" Angelica yelled, walking over to me hugging me like how Maria did

"I'm here what's happening? Lafayette said running in

"Ils sont morts..." I repeated

"Oh mon dieu..." Laf said walking towards me and rubbing my back

"Alex, raconte moi ce qui s'est passe..." Laf said calmly

"Ils sont morts, tous morts..." I said to him

"Qui est mort Alex?" Laf asked me again

"Tou le monde que je connais..." I said

"Et qui est tout le monde?" asked Laf

"Ma famille, mes amis, et tout le monde a Nevis..." I told him again and then I screamed

"What's happening?" John asked

"Non! Sortez de l'eau! Non!" I screamed, trying to get out of Angelica's grip on me

"He thinks he is in Nevis when the hurricane hit." A doctor said coming in "I'm going to need you guys to leave the room."


	2. Notice

**Okay so since this is a notice, I just want to say I'm probably not gonna post for a while here's the reasons**

 **1\. Today at lunch, while we were eating, 2 police cars came, an ambulance, and a firetruck. There was a kid coming out of the stretcher holding a cast. A friend of mine thinks that the kid took off their cast (I don't know if it was a boy or girl) and was cutting themselves or trying to bleed out to death. I'm still shaking and pale, my friends are still scared. We really don't know what to do.**

 **2\. My new brother and sister is coming in 8 days so we are still trying to set things up for them**

 **3\. I'm going to be really busy, like really busy**

 **That's all, but right now I'm trying to make a long chapter for ' _Menteur, Liar_ ' and ' _Messed Up_ '.**


	3. Chapter 2: John's POV

**Authors Note: Okay... seriously last chapter was really confusing... but now we're gonna do this on John's POV.**

 **ENJOY!**

* * *

 _ **(John's POV)**_

"I can't believe I left him without explaining..." I say

"It's fine, John," Jefferson says "he'll understand...I promise."

"Mon Amie!" Laf yelled

"Coming!" the voice yelled from upstairs

Alex walks downstairs, seeing me staring at him. God dammit, I flushed when he started looking back at me.

"Nice to see you too, _Laurens_." He says, mockingly. He used the name he used to call me at work, till' I quitted.

"Jeez Alex," Peggy said "really showing that you care for him, aren't ya?"

"He's the one who left." Alex says, rolling his eyes. I look to the floor, ashamed of myself.

"Okay Okay, that's enough guys." Herc says stepping between Alex and Peggy, before they start tearing each other into bloody shreds.

"I believe, our ami, has something to say to you Alex." Laf said looking at me and nodding. _Here goes nothing..._

"I-er-um," I started, looking at him " _Lexi_ -"

I ticked him off with using his nickname. He got up walked over to me and slapped me.. _I kinda deserve that for leaving him..._

"Using _nicknames_ now?" He snapped at me, I was about to cry. I could feel my face burning.

"Alex!" Angelica yelled at Alex, walking over to me " _shh_ , I'm here John, it's alright I'm here..."

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you Alex?" Peggy said storming over to him and slapping him back.

"Peggy!" Eliza yelled

"What!?," Peggy said glaring at Eliza "he fucking slapped John! He deserves to be slapped back!"

"Peggy, he probably didn't mean it." Eliza said trying to calm her sister down, and stepping in front of Alex to defend him.

"It's alright Eliza," Alex mumbled "i do deserve it..."

"Alex, you didn't deserve it," Eliza started "you're just frustrated, stressed, and sad.."

"I'm not fucking stressed Eliza!" He nearly yelled, pushing Eliza into Peggy.

Everyone stared at him, silence taking up the room. He ran out of the room outside, I was just sitting there doing nothing. Peggy and Eliza ran out after him. I started balling.

"Shhh..." Angelica said soothing

"It-It's my fault Angie..." I whispered, hugging her closer

"Alex!" A voice cut in "Alex! Where are you!?". We all jumped to our feet and ran out the door, to help look for him.

"Alex! I'm sorry," Peggy started "i shouldn't have slapped you!"

We saw Alex walking over to the bridge and getting on the railings. We yelled his name, begging him to get down and stop. He didn't. He jumped. I rushed down the bridge to where he fell. I saw him. Lying down, in the flowers. I ran to check his pulse. A slow beat, ready to stop at any minute. Laf was the first to come down here. He told me he called 9-1-1. I sat by him. Not moving an inch. Breathing when he did. Crying silently. I heard sirens. I couldn't move if I wanted to.

"Hey...John," Eliza said, walking over to me "i'm going to need you to move so we can get Alex to a hospital."

I nodded numbly, Eliza helping me up, words wouldn't come out even if I wanted them to.

* * *

It's been 3 days since Alex jumped. He's been in a coma. Won't wake up. Everyone's better. I'm still traumatized. We're in the car on the way to the hospital where Alex is, Maria's already there.

"John, he might actually wake up!" Laf said excitedly

I looked out the window silent, Laf frowned

"You have to talk one day, John." Hercules said, holding on to Laf's hand and kissing him on the cheek. I nearly gagged. Surprisingly.

"We're here." Angelica chimed in

We got out of the car and walked in. Peggy checked us in. We got to his room. We heard him. I nearly cried. But I don't have any tears left.

"What happened?" Alex asked hoarsely

"Well, you jumped from a fucking bridge is what happened!" Peggy said, walking in. Me and the group following behind.

"Brought the whole squad, huh?" Maria said laughing to herself, I swear I saw her blushing a little bit.

"I guess!" Peggy said, smirking

"Er-uh-guys..." Maria said, nodding towards me

"Oh!" Theo said, understandingly. She brought me out of the room.

"Why can't I be in there?" I asked, confused

"Well, Alex..." Theo started. I nodded to tell her I understood what she meant.

"You want to know why!?" A voice yelled from the room, supposably Alex's "he fucking left me. He thought it was okay to walk out of my life, not explaining why!"

"I had a good reason _Lexi_ ," I started coming into the room, Theo not agreeing "you just never wanted to ask..." That was a lie.

"Oh great!," He said rolling his eyes "so, _Jackie_ , you think it's fine to walk out of _my_ life. Like it never existed?"

"Lex, I-"

"No," He said cutting me off "you don;t get to explain why you left m-"

I was going to propose to you!" I yelled, standing up, tears forming in my eyes

"What?" He whispered, shocked

"You heard me." I say, tears flowing out like a waterfall

"No..." He said, quietly "no, no, no!"

He sat there frozen, like he was going through bad memories. Then started hugging himself.

"Non...Non..." He said tears rolling down his eyes "Ils sont morts...Je ne pouvais pas les sauver...tout le monde que j'aimais et a pris soin de...est mort..."

"Laf!" Angelica yelled, walking over and hugging Alex close, I scowled then remembered that Alex needed help.

"I'm here! What's happening?" Laf said running in

"Ils sont morts..." Alex repeated again

"Oh mon dieu..." Laf said walking towards him, rubbing him soothingly on the back "Alex, raconte moi ce qui s'est passe..." Laf said calmy

"Ils sont morts, tous morts..." He said to him, quietly

"Qui est mort, Alex?" Laf asked Alex

"Tou le monde que je connais..." Alex mumbled quietly, barely anyone heard

"Et qui est tout le monde?" Laf asked, carefully choosing his choice of words. I was freaking out inside.

"Ma famille, mes amis, et tout le monde a Nevis..." He told him, then he screamed, it sounding like he was being murdered

"What's happening?" I asked, shaking

"Non! Sortez de l'eau! Non!" He screamed, trying to get out of Angelica's hug

"He thinks he's in Nevis, when that massive hurricane hit the island." A doctor said walking in "I'm going to need you to leave the room."

We left. Then I think I passed out in the car. I can't remember anything only Alex screaming, crying, and Laf trying to calm him down.


	4. Notice Again!

**The twins came early! They came on Saturday, December 1st. We have a chubby little boy named Brycen who is 8.9 lbs and we have a skinny little girl named Brilynn who is 7.1 lbs! I'm so excited!**


	5. Chapter 3: Hospital and Fights

**I'm back. Yay.**

 **Warning: Yelling, Swearing, Blood, and Drama**

* * *

 _ **(Alex's POV)**_

The bodies floated around me. All of them. My friends, people who cared about me, people _I didn't even know_. My fault. My fault. _No...not her..._ I saw the face of my childhood best friend. _Isabelle_. I screamed, I wanted to reach towards her, but I couldn't move. _Come back! I need you! Izzy! Please don't leave me!_ I tried yelling for her, but her body floated aimlessly away from me, following the rest of the bodies. Then I see him. The one person who cared about me. He was with them. _NO! NOT YOU TOO!_ I felt tears stream down my face. I couldn't breathe. I started hyperventilating. Then everything went black.

* * *

I awoke gasping, my palms were sweaty and I was shaking. I look around the bright, white, empty room. A man wearing a white trench coat came in.

"Ah, Mr. Hamilton. You're finally awake." A doctor walked in, he smiled at me. I looked at him dumbfounded.

"Why am I here, Mr.." I squint my eyes at his name tag, "Mr. Wilson."

"Ah, you jumped of a bridge," He paused, "and then I had to put you under because you were having a bad memory which caused you to have a panic attack."

"I- _what?!_ " I looked at him, my mouth hung opened. I don't remember jumping. At all.

"Oh my. I guess giving you another sedative made you forget what happened." The doctor said, almost nervously.

"Oh." Was all I could say. I jumped off a bridge. Wait a minute.

"Where's Jackie!?" I asked, jumping myself off before sinking back, whimpering in pain. My hand laid on my side, there was a tad bit of blood.

"Your group of friends left, and you shouldn't be moving fast. You could reopen your wound." Doctor Wilson replied, quickly. He walked around the room, flipping through a clipboard and muttering to himself.

"W-will they be back?" I ask after a moment of silence. I scrunch up the hospital gown with my hands, looking down at the bed.

"I'm pretty sure, that's what your French Friend said at least." He chuckled lightly, "You have a bunch of weird friends. Especially your girlfriend."

"Girlfriend..?" I look at him confusingly, since when did I have a girlfriend?

"Ah, the nice lady. I believe her name was Millie. No what a minute." He closed his eyes, focusing. "She said her name was Maria."

"But I don't have a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend." I replied, my eyes looking at the doctor.

"Well, I suppose that won't work out. Now will it?" The doctor's face darkened. He started walking over to me holding a needle with a weird orange substance in the container.

My eyes widened in horror as he stabbed my arm with the sharp needle. "NO!" I screamed and thrashed before blacking out again.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" A feminine voice screamed.

"I did what you paid me to do, make him believe you are his girlfriend." A rough voice replied.

"I didn't pay you to knock him unconscious and make him forget everything!" The first voice sounded annoyed and angry.

My eyes opened slowly. I looked at the two strangers at the end of my bed. I tilted my head to the side.

"Do I know you two?" I ask, stopping their heated argument. They both whipped their heads towards me, their eyes full of surprise.

"I-um," The girl paused, taking a breath, "I am your girlfriend, Maria." She smiled sweetly. The man beside her scoffed. The girl-Maria- elbowed him in the side, making him grunt in pain.

"And I'm Doctor Wilson, your doctor who has been taking care of you." He forced a smile. Maria coughed and I looked towards her.

"I-I was worried about you. After you, um, got into that fight and fell off the bridge." She said, softly and sorrowful. I raised an eyebrow.

"Before I ask who I got into the fight with and why," I took a breath, "who am I exactly?" Maria whipped her head around to fast the doctor, she looked at him with anger before taking a few deep breaths.

"You are Alexander Hamilton, you are 24 years old, you go to King's College, and you are dating me, Maria." She smiled sweetly again, but there was a hint of sadness in her aura.

"And the person who I got into the fight with?" I asked, reaching my hand towards her. I intertwined my fingers with hers and I felt her body relax.

"You were fighting a man named," She paused taking a breath, " _John Laurens_ " She said the name with a bitter tone. I nodded my head. "He has a friends who are exactly like him, mean and ruthless, so best stay away from them." She squeezed my hand.

"And who are these people called?"

"Hercules Mulligan, Lafayette, Elizabeth Schuyler, Angelica Schuyler, Peggy Schuyler, Aaron Burr, and Theodosia Bartow Prevost." She said, saying each name with disgust.

"You're all free to go, Mr. Hamilton." Another doctor walked in, smiling at Maria and me.

"I'll wait for you at the check-out, see you soon." Maria walked out of the hospital room. The doctor walked over to me and pulled out the needles, I winced in pain.

"She would not stop talking about you, she said you've been together for 4 years." The doctor said, turning off the heart monitor.

"Oh. That's a while." I replied, scratching my head.

"You should propose to her before it's too late." He said, finishing up.

"I-I will." I said, getting up. I thanked the doctor and walked out of the room.

* * *

 ** _(John's_** **_P.O.V)_**

"He's not what!?" Angie yelled on the phone. "Oh so he somehow left!?" She screamed, her face turning red with anger.

I stared at my bowl of cereal. It's been 3 days since I last saw Alex, and now he's not even in the hospital where he's suppose to be.

"I would like to speak with the man who was suppose to be his doctor!" Angie spoke to the phone with anger. "Ah, hello Doctor Wilson." She said sweetly. She made a bunch of _uhus_ and _hmms_. Which worried me a lot.

"Thank you so much, but if I recall. Alexander does not have a girlfriend, but a boyfriend who was about to propose to him." Angie looked at me and rolled her eyes, which made me giggle a little. "YOU LET HIM LEAVE WITH HER!?" Angie screamed, and hung up. She placed her head on the table and groaned.

"He's not coming back. Is he?" I asked, staring at the wall. I heard Angelica sigh.

"The doctor said that he will be going to the college he is attending too, which is our college, but he won't be going to his dorm for a couple of days."

"Oh." Was all I could muster out. I laid my head on my arms and closed my eyes. When will he come back?

 _ **~1 week later~**_

"John~" A voice crooned. I turn to see Lafayette holding Hercules' hand.

"Hey." I waved my hand. Lafayette smiled and hugged me.

"Um, what is going on? You are never this happy to see me." I asked, a little bit confused. He let go of me and turned to face Hercules. I couldn't see Lafayette's face, but Hercules nodded and Laf turned back around.

"Guess who we saw outside of the building, _mon ami_!" He smiled, I tilted my head.

"What do you...OH MY GOD! Did you see him?!" I ask, jumping out of my seat. I haven't seen Alexander for almost 2 weeks and he was outside. Of our dorm building. Lafayette shook his head, grabbing Hercules' hand again.

"Let's go say hi!~" He skipped outside, dragging Hercules with him. I snickered and followed them.

* * *

 ** _(Alex's P.O.V)_**

I stared at the big brown building. I was nervous to walk in. Why was I nervous. Maybe because Maria told me that I'll be sharing my dorm with _John Laurens_. I saw a man skip out of the building, then two more boys following him.

"Look John! There he is!" The tall one pointed to me, and I looked around. Was he talking about me? Oh no. Please don't tell me-

"Oh my god. L-Lexi?" The boy with freckles stuttered, a crimson hue on his face.

"It's Alexander to you." I snapped at him, the boy's eyes widened.

"Hey, Alex-" I glared at the man with the beanie on, "I mean, _Alexander_ , what's up? You always let John call you 'Lexi'." He said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, no." I scoffed, "First off, I have a wonderful girlfriend." I smirked as I saw all three of them widen their eyes in surprise. "Second, I have no idea who any of you are." He added.

"I-it's me. John. John Laurens-" And that's what got me. I punched him square in the jaw and watched him stumble back. He stared at me in shock and pain. The beanie boy ran over to help John, while the tall one advanced towards me.

" _Porquoi diable etait-ce, Alexander._ " The tall man hissed out. **(What the hell was that for[Translation])**

" _C'est lui qui m'a hospitalise_." I growled back, squeezing my fists. **(He was the one who hospitalized me[Translation])**

And that's when hell broke loose. The Frenchman jumped on me and we started fighting. The beanie man and John were trying to stop us, but we kept going. There was lots of blood till I heard a scream.


End file.
